I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
