Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
