Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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