i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
