Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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