My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize