Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need moral support for this bender
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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