its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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