"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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