No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
