I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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