The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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