It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They took my balls.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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