I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
