Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize