I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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