Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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