i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
