he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
