Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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