I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
