my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
