i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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