What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize