got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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