the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
