Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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