she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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