On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize