So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
