Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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