Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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