Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
