Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize