She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
