We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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