whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Welp...herpes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
