What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize