So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
