Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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