im about as happy as oj after his trial
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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