yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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