just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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