Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
