That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
