I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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