This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
