why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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