so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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