whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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