So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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