11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
