Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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