i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
