Sponge bath it is.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am naked and annoyed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
