GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
