I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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