My friends, they love my intelligence
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
