her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
