All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize