You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
