u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
