Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
