I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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