I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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