there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
