Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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