I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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