There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
