I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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