U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
