I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
