Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
