This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
