If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
