Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
