if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
